I'm really sorry again =(

I remembered last time I used to say this to any newly married couple friends who were expecting their 1st baby “Ko gunakan sebaik-baiknya masa ko mengandung anak pertama ni. Kau akan dilayan bak permaisuri etc.” When I said that, I really meant it because I had experienced it when I was carrying Aimee last time. I feel so happy at that time. I rarely feel sad. I don’t know whether it is because of the 1st class treatment that my hubby gave me, or is it because of the good hormone/good mood that I get due to my pregnancy at that time.

And back to the advice that I’ve given to my friends, now I myself found it is so true! I don’t know why, when I first got to know that I was pregnant, I wasn’t as happy as when I got to know that I’m carrying my 1st baby. 1st, it was because of some people who sounds like don’t like that we are expecting our 2nd baby. They sound like we were too early to have a 2nd baby. As a woman who already pregnant, what will you feel if people say that to you? Of course you will feel upset right? Me to at that time feel so guilty and feel like am I burden anybody for expecting my 2nd child? Is true that I shouldn’t expect to have my 2nd baby at this time of point? Lot of things bugs my head at my early pregnancy. I’m so down and don’t feel like seeing people. To make things worst, I had all these pregnancy sickness that is soooo bad which makes me so unhealthy all the times. Due to that, I’m not so into doing my normal housework, I can’t even drive myself to office and have to burden hubby to send and fetch me from office, I also have to burden him to send me to clinic for every month check up, he also need to be burden for taking care of our Aimee alone, and the list of burdens that I had given him will go on and on and will never ending for how long.

You know, when you feel like burdening your other half, you for sure will ask him whether he’s ok with the current situation, and he as your other half, for sure will say “Takpe, abang faham” or “Janganlah risau apa-apa, takde apa yang tak ok” or “Janganlah fikir yang bukan” or any other consoling words that we ourself don’t know whether they realy meant it or just to sooth you so that you wont be unhappy.

Carrying my 2nd baby, I admit that I was super duper sensitive that sometimes I myself feel like I might be getting other people’s nerve for anything that I did. And I don’t know why, I seriously not so happy compared to my 1st pregnancy. I was so so sad that sometimes I feel like crying in my bathroom. I feel like I am a burden to all the people around me, my other half, my family, my friends and everybody that I know. For all people around me, I am so sorry for burdening you all… I am just really didn’t meant to do that to you all… I’m really sorry =(